No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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