fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dick very happy bro
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
