Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
