so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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