I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
