You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
a search helicopter?!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
