I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.