happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
