Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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