if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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