He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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