Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
