Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
