pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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