Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
