I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
