I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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