We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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