Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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