I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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