You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
