I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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