Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
