I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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