come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
