oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
