Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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