I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Having a random hookup so left but love u
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
