i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize