i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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