In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
