is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize