Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
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I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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