Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
