I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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