so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
