you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
