You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize