You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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