At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
