ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
