I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
