We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
