Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
