Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
