i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
