another moral hangover. fuck.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
