So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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