I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
