shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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