I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
