I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
