so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
