i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
