So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
